The Politics in School Sports Teams: Favoritism on the Field

Most people who know me would agree that I am not very fond of politics, and that’s especially true when it comes to the sports that our kids play. While coaches and athletic directors might tell you that they don’t play “favorites,” believe in nepotism, or run their program by the pay-to-play philosophy, I’ve personally found that to simply not be true.  Whether the coaches are pressured by their schools or other organizations to win, or simply motivated by their own egos, our children can get caught in the middle of this win-at-any-cost mentality.

In a perfect world, team sports would be designed to nurture self-esteem in our children, instead of teaching them about the disappointing and negative impact of favoritism. But alas, when it comes to the way most sports teams are manned (oops, did I just make a subtle gender reference?) there is nothing perfect about it at all.

I’ve personally never played in organized team sports, but both of my daughters have—so let me tell you, if anyone says that that most school or club sports are not imbued with politics, then it’s probably because it’s their children who are the lucky favored few.  Unfortunately, I’ve had to stand back and watch both of my own very talented players (isn’t that what every parent says?) get yanked around, used, and spit out by a variety of coaches who could have cared less about the psychological damage that they inflicted upon my daughters, with their voracious need to win championships or tournaments.

And this isn’t just the bitter diatribe of a parent whose children were mediocre players not wanting to accept that reality. No, I have not only seen the horror with my own children, but also with countless other talented players, who were passed over by the coaches because of their teammate’s connections, and not talent or skill.

It’s so ironic when you call out a coach on the subject of favoritism and watch them act offended, only to watch players with skills no better than your own— but whose parents are the “doers” and “givers”—  get moved up and continually glorified. I have personally never once witnessed a parent who wasn’t actively involved in a sports program have their child pulled down from a team or left to sit on the bench most of the season.  And don’t get me wrong— I think it’s great to have the time to volunteer, but not everyone has the monetary means, and that should never be done for reward… hence the word “volunteer.”

When it comes to politics, club teams are terrible, but the real problem of misuse of power occurs in school sports.  For my oldest daughter, it began in middle school as she was continually passed over for less talented players, whose parents were either housewives with ample time to volunteer, or happened to be wealthy and connected in the community.  Loving the sport so much, she was still determined to play in high school. During her freshman year, she worked her behind off and gained some decent playing time (of course I don’t think that it hurt that I became the queen of volunteers at the concession stand).

Things looked good the following season. My daughter felt confident that she had earned her spot as a forward, and was confident that she would have some solid playing time. And she probably would have, had nepotism not gotten in the way.  It just so happened that this particular season, my daughter’s position was now being sought after by a freshman whose father was a v-e-r-y successful businessman who became head coach in order to jockey his daughter into the full-time forward position (Does it get any more political than that??).

All season, I had to sit in the bleachers (or resentfully serve hot dogs) and watch my daughter, a sophomore, and ten-times the player than this freshman, sit on the bench and lose what should rightfully have been her spot because of politics. It was frustrating. At the end-of-the-season banquet, when the coach neglected to even publicly remember my daughter’s name and smugly announced that his daughter would be moved up to varsity, well, enough was enough and I got up and walked out in total disgust. My daughter quit soccer after that night and it has taken her a long time to get over the feelings of disappointment and unworthiness from that negative experience. 

These days, I’m once again facing these too-familiar politics with my youngest daughter, who from the moment she stepped on the soccer field, had a raw talent that would take your breath away.  In this case, I am not just a mother who simply wants to believe her daughter is  a good athlete—enough strangers have come up to me to tell me this fact.  That’s what makes it all the more difficult to watch her get swallowed up in the political BS. I know that she’s a gifted athlete on the field, but she is competing with teammates whose parents donate time and/or money, and that is a playing field where she cannot win.

Sadly, like her sister, she’s thinking about walking away from something that she has put so much work into and that brings her so much joy. It breaks my heart, but these moments remind us as parents that sometimes, we have no choice but to just let go.  I can explain to her ad nauseam that this is just the way the world works, and that it sucks, but at the end of the day, all she feels is that she isn’t good enough.

So parents— while I believe that sports are important, unless you are willing to play the game, you might want to consider giving your little one piano lessons instead.

Have you ever had to deal with politics in your child’s school sport? Share your stories with us.

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