Mom Life Excuses: Sorry I’m Late, But…

One of the ways my life has drastically changed since becoming a mother is that it now takes twice as long to get out the door and go anywhere, especially with the kids in tow. Something is always lost, or someone is in a bad mood, or we forgot to grab something that we needed to bring to our destination. This is why I rarely make it to social events or girls’ nights on time… or at all. It’s just not worth the stress and trouble that’s involved.

You know that whole “the dog ate my homework” thing? Yeah, there’re grown up versions of that that are actually true. If ever I’m not where I’m supposed to be when I’m supposed to be there, it’s probably because of one of these reasons:

Sorry I’m late, but…

The baby decided she was hungry right after I buckled her in her car seat, even though I fed her a half hour before.

There was a jacket emergency that I had to deal with. Because, you know, the gray one just wasn’t cutting it, and since the one my son really wanted to wear was dirty, we had to find the next best thing. Turns out… the next best thing was the gray one.

The baby thought she’d save her massive diaper blowout for right before we had to leave. And by blowout, I mean she crapped herself so much, I had to rinse her off in the bathtub and then find her an entirely new outfit.

Little man thought that “let’s go” meant we were going to play outside, and I had to explain to him that that wasn’t the plan… When we walked out the front door to leave, he decided to run back to the yard anyway.

I had to turn back because I forgot my cell phone at the house. And extra diapers for the baby… and...the baby.

My son pulled off his diaper and streaked across the house, spraying piss all over. Now I need to stop and get more Lysol.

I couldn’t find my keys… because they were in the bottom of the box full of Legos in the playroom… along with a half empty (yes, I’m a pessimist) juice box.

I had to pull a ladybug out of the baby’s mouth. I only pulled out half.

I didn’t notice that my toddler had on two different socks until he started to put his shoes on. And after going back and forth with him for 10 minutes about why he should put on a new pair, he ended up wearing the mis-matched ones anyway. You pick your battles.

I realized when I stepped out of the house that I was barefoot.

I didn’t have a chance to eat breakfast, so I had to run back inside for a snack. But I also haven’t had a chance to go grocery shopping, so it took me a few minutes to rummage through the pantry and find a stale granola bar that was stashed in the back.

The car seats and floor were full of trail mix and I couldn’t buckle the kids in until it was all cleaned up. Then little man started eating the pieces that fell on the ground.

We had to make a quick little stop at the ER. Boys and climbing trees don’t always made a great team.

I forgot to cover my boob after breastfeeding, and the neighbors aren’t too happy when their kids see my exposed breast.

I got lost on the way because I was too busy trying to find a wipe to clean my toddler’s hands. Apparently he has a secret hiding place in the car for all of his half-eaten lollipops.

Little man thought it would be fun to unbuckle himself and attempt an escape...five times.

I thought today was actually yesterday, because I haven’t slept since last fall.

I gave my son a breath mint. He nearly choked on it. After a dramatic and tearful reaction, he started laughing hysterically and asked for another. I said “no,” and this is why he’s in a grumpy mood.

The temperature in the car was too hot; and then too cold, and then too “on.” Did you know my child’s name is Goldilocks?

I had to answer the “where are we going?” question every mile of the journey. I tried to take a shortcut but ended up getting lost.

The baby was sleeping peacefully when we were ready to leave, but woke up in a panic as soon as we drove away.

We had to wait until Despicable Me was over, because even though we watched it seven times today, it gets more magical with each viewing.

I fell asleep. And when mama gets to sleep, nothing in the world is more important. Nothing…

… except for my children. They are more important than anything. But I’m late because they are hungry, tired, bored, moody, messy, stubborn, and disobedient at the wrong time. All. The. Time.

One of these days, I’ll get to where I’m going on time. But even when I plan to leave early, it doesn’t happen. Murphy’s Law is truest when children are involved. Nothing ever goes as it’s supposed to, and you can’t believe parents who say they’ll meet you at a certain time. Just remember, it’s not something we do on purpose. We want to be there on time. It’s just that life with little ones is totally unpredictable.

What are some of the wildest reasons you’ve been late to show up somewhere, now that you have kids?

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