My Seven Daily Parenting Woes (Tell Me It's Not Just Me)
I’m not generally a complainer but jeez if I don’t get this out...I just might go insane. Here are my seven secret parenting rants for sh*t I deal with daily.
Dishes, dishes, and more dishes. Who knew baby bottles had so many parts? And what’s with the sippy cups and their lids with the hard-to-reach crevices? And spoons — all sorts of spoons with rubber coating and strange, modern shapes — wait! I shouldn’t have put those on the bottom of the dishwasher! Ugh. Water cups. Why so many? And dinner! People don’t make home-cooked meals anymore because of the dishes! There are pots and pans and spatulas and plates. There are plates for pasta, but bowls for mac and cheese? And all these wine glasses… do I really have to wash them by hand?
Soooo much driving. Can’t we walk or take a bus? Driving to school, to practice, to art, to this one’s house for a playdate and to that one’s house to drop off their water bottle that he left in your car when you were driving him somewhere. Oh wait, I forgot your tennis racquet at home so I have to go back, but not before I stop to get the snack that I have to provide for your brother’s preschool — that I pay for. Oh crap. I’m late for his pickup.
Wow! She’s so hard on him… and that one. Ohhhh. That explains it. She’s not into discipline… yikes. I don’t think I’d let my son play with that toy… look the other way, she always wants something… I hate when she’s at the park. She’s so judgmental. Wait….
You just asked for my address and emergency contact people on the last three forms. Can’t you just make four copies? My other kid was just at this dentist. Why did I spend my time filling this out online when you are asking me to do it by hand again?
Is it normal to break out into a sweat while putting on a crib sheet? Why don’t they just make the fitted sheet bigger? How long can I go before changing that top bunk sheet anyway? How come no matter what I do there’s always that rogue pillowcase that gets tangled up with the fitted sheet in the dryer and comes out wet and wrinkled? What are the rules for washing the inside of the duvet?
Where are her swimming goggles?! I put them right there! (I think). And where is his bike helmet? It’s too small now? I’m so glad you wore it twice. Didn’t I just buy you a pack of crayons? I don’t know why you can’t find sea-foam green. Just use one of the other 8,000 color options. I don’t know where you put the pencil sharpener. Isn’t that why we bought mechanical pencils? Of course the lead ran out.
I’m sorry some kid told you that your egg sandwich smells. No. You are not getting a Nutella sandwich. Go live with them if you want cookies in your lunch then. Yes, fish sticks again. No, it’s not the 1980s. These are Dr. Praeger's so it’s okay. Fine, just eat an apple.
Got any secret parent rants? Pour out your soul in the comments below!
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