Single Mom Chronicles: No Tinder Fellas for Me, Thank You!

Single with kids is hard enough, but single after a certain age in this internet world? Ugh! Forget about it! Back in the good old days, we would go to a dance club (okay, a bar), mingle, and maybe give out our number. Now, it’s all about meeting people online. So in the spirit of trying to catch up with the rest of the single population, I decided to try internet dating. OMG… What was I thinking?!

“Someone told me about Tinder. Should I try it?” I asked my teenage daughters, who are the queens of social media and other internet things.

“No mom, it’s a TOTAL booty call!” cried one of my daughters.

“Yeah, totally,” the other one chimed in.

Oh well, that got shot down quickly.

Flash forward to a week later on a Friday night; home alone again and feeling incredibly sorry for myself. I looked at my phone about fifty times and finally snatched it up and searched for the Tinder app. It can’t be that bad, I thought…  I’m a smart and evolved chick, surely I can handle this. I downloaded the app and filled out my profile. Almost immediately about 25 guys popped up on the screen. Well now, this looks promising! I thought. And so began the swipes… Yes, yes, no, nope, oh HELL no! … It went on until I had exhausted the available guys in my area. Then I waited and waited. I was about to give up when ding! I got a match! Okay, I got one on the line (Yes, I actually did make that fishing reference, scary I know).  Then another one popped up. Wow! Who is popular now? I thought, feeling pretty darn awesome.

This went on for a while until I had a few guys in my stable (ugh, did I just actually say that?). Now what? I thought. The rush of honey-potting all these guys quickly turned into the reality that now I actually had to TALK to them. How do I do this? What do people say these days? I was clueless and petrified. I hadn’t really thought it through this far. I needed a strategy. Okay, just chill, I thought.

I remembered what my daughters said about it being a booty call and I decided that I definitely needed a glass of wine to navigate this. Off I went to the kitchen for a glass of liquid courage. I decided to read the messages first and to sift the guys looking for booty calls from the guys who might actually be decent, looking for something with a little more substance. “Hey sexy” was the first message that I read. Nope, I thought. Definitely a booty call.

This process of elimination went on until I realized that I had no one left in my matches. Damn, I thought. I strolled into my oldest daughter’s room:

“Does ‘Hi sexy’ necessarily mean it’s a booty call?”

“OMG Mom, you went on Tinder!” she yelled.

“Yes, my mom is on Tinder,” she announced to her friend. I felt like crawling into a hole.

I stared at my phone for about fifteen minutes and then thought, what the hell. I messaged the first guy in my matches who looked pretty cute, “Hey.” That was innocent enough, I told myself.  Then I continued down the list. A couple of minutes later I got my first response. “Hey there beautiful, what are you doing tonight?” Are ALL these guys looking for booty calls? Disgusted and too tired to start the process over again, I decided to willingly banish myself from Tinderland. “Sorry, Tinder fellas,” I said to my phone (I think I may have had another glass of wine). I guess for once, my kids were right. And just like that, I was back to being a single mom on a typical Friday night.

Single moms: Ever tried online dating, or *gasp…* Tinder??? Share your experiences with us!

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Tags : confessions   single parents   dating   

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