You Will Have Sex After Baby: What Your Partner Needs to Know First

One of the biggest relationship hurdles new moms and dads will encounter is sex… or the lack thereof. Jokes abound about how a couple’s sex life is non-existent after a baby is born, but that doesn’t have to be your scenario. While every successful relationship takes the effort of two people, this is one of those times where “putting things into action” will be to both of your advantage.

Green Light Doesn’t Always Mean Go

Your doc will usually give the green light to have sex four to six weeks after delivery. However, there are some important factors to keep in mind – your physical and mental readiness.

Let’s start with the physical. The vaginal discharge after delivery should have run its course before you have sex. Having sex before that could cause an infection. Even if the birth didn’t require a lot of stitches or you had a C-section, your lady parts are going to be tender and sore. You may be ready to go, but fearful of the pain that may ensue with intercourse.

Mental readiness is a whole other matter– this is where your partner comes in. Your partner needs to increase the intimacy, grow your relationship, and yes, have sex again. (By the way, if you apply these principles from here on out, you’ll have a happy partner for life.)

Sleepy State of Affairs

It’s not uncommon for new parents to be exhausted, but if you find yourself wanting some lovin’, start by getting enough sleep. Research conducted at the University of Michigan Sleep and Circadian Research Laboratory showed that women who slept for an extra hour reported a stronger sexual desire and a higher probability that they would embrace sexual activity the next day. Note that the study didn’t include new moms, but the data is clear.

More sleep equals higher chance of romance. Take turns getting up with the baby and get enough time to nap while your partner bonds with your baby. 

Touched-Out

Touched-out refers to that feeling of reaching your touching limit. Breastfeeding, cuddling with baby, co-sleeping with baby, baby in a sling – all contribute to it. So if your partner comes around the corner and pinches your butt, it could just send you over the edge. Make sure to talk about this with your partner and different types of touches that may be ok.

Most women crave emotional intimacy and appreciation as a prelude to sex and this is especially true after a baby arrives. Men are more open to emotional intimacy after sex. That’s the quandary because your partner may feel left out already because so much time of your time is devoted to the baby, making it harder for them to make the first move.

Unless you’re happy at a stalemate, you may have to step it up and begin the dance…. or let your partner know what advances you would appreciate. Sometimes just making time for undivided attention is the best place to start. Turn off your phone and the TV. Share and listen about each other’s day. Be open to compliments and give some in return. Cozy up on the couch. Sit on opposite ends of the couch and give each other a foot massage while chatting. When you feel cherished, you will both reap the benefits.

Intermittent Wooing

Old fashioned wooing is fun, and it can accomplish the goals you both have to reconnect and rekindle intimacy. Keep it simple by leaving by leaving each other love notes. Text a few times during the day. Keep it light and humorous or send over your code words for I love you.

To help set the mood, your partner can also bring home treats or run a bath with candles for you. Make sure to communicate what sets the right mood for you.

You still need to feel like a sexy and attractive woman, not just a mother. When you make the time for yourself, it will nourish your feminine side and in turn, you’ll be more inclined to meet your partner’s needs too.

Nice and Easy

If all the stars align and it looks like this could be the night, then take it slow. Breastfeeding can mean lower estrogen levels, which can lead to vaginal dryness. Lubrication may be helpful. Kissing, touching in other areas besides the genital area and breasts will help you relax and awaken your desire. Talk about what you like and don’t like. Let your partner know to start off gentle because it could be painful the first time out the gate for you. Focus on foreplay and fun for both of you.

Having a mutually satisfying sex life after children is totally possible. They key word is mutual. Work together. Strive to openly share and talk about each other’s needs.

Looking forward to having sex again post-baby? Share your excitement (or concerns!) with us.